Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
