I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
