I skipped work to stalk him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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