First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
