So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
