I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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