i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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