I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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