One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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