Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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