He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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