Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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