i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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