I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
