i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
