Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
