I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
