I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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