I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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