god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
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She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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