yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
