she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
