i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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