my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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