I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
