Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize