Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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