do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
