I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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