Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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