I'm jealous of your bromance
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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