I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.