that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.