If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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