Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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