nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
