I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
