i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
