I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
