she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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