I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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