haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
