I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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