I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
