Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
