he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I came so hard my ears popped.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
