I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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