shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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