at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
