So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
