So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
