I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
