Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
