i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
