Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize