did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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