my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
