the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
