Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
