I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize