it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
