I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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