Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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