I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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