is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
