Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
