why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My ass is underappreciated
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
