I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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