Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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