you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
