it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
