i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
