im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
