so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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