Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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