i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
