thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
