explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
