Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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