Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
