I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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