You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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