Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
