My underwear smells like fireworks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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