did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
