she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
