I hope mine doesn't look like that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
