Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
