Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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